The Problem Child

I’ve always heard a lot of coaches say it - “You don’t treat everybody the same. Everybody is different.” I understand the sentiment. Everyone on your team has a different personality, different triggers and a different background. You have to understand them as individuals to coach them properly. But saying “you can’t treat everybody the same” always felt a little bit like a cop-out to me, sounding more like “I’m going to treat my star players differently to keep them happy.”

You may not treat everyone the same, but everyone has to be held to the same standards, or your culture will suffer. Some players may not respond well to being yelled at while others may need the volume up to get the point. I get that. But holding players accountable to a different standard is a really great way to lose your credibility with your team.

We’ve all had to deal with a problem child at some point or another. I’m talking about a talented player, a good kid, but someone who lacks maturity to handle himself properly when things don’t go his way. He reacts emotionally when he feels pressure or failure, and any emotion you bring to the situation only makes it worse. He can snap at times, and get very angry over something very minor. Ninety percent of the time he’s a good kid and teammate, but ten percent of the time he goes off the rails. He’s got talent, though, and everyone in the gym recognizes his importance to the team.

Treating him differently is fine - he’s a guy you don’t want to yell at because he won’t respond well - but you can’t fall into the trap of holding him to a different standard. I’ve made that mistake, where I had one talented player who was a hothead and would snap when things didn’t go his way. Rather than going after him, I would just take him out of practice and let him calm down. I thought I was doing the right thing by not adding more emotion to the situation, where I figured his anger would only get worse. When he settled back down, I’d bring him back into practice.

What I didn’t realize is that the rest of the team felt like he was getting away with something. I thought I was keeping practice going and diffusing the situation, but they thought he was being held to a different standard. I didn’t realize this until after the season, when I sat down with may players and they told me how they felt. They knew that if someone else had blown up in practice the way their teammate did, the consequences would have been different. And they said it definitely hurt our team. We were inconsistent all year, but luckily our guys were talented and tough enough to stay together and win a championship that season.

Every situation you deal with as a coach is different and you have to take all the personalities into account. But don’t fall into the trap of having a different standard for different players. It’s a very fine line. But If your players feel there are two sets of standards, you will lose credibility quickly.